


dont leave me in the dark

by kaipou



Category: NCT
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Secret Crush, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-14 22:34:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16921686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaipou/pseuds/kaipou
Summary: Mark had got a new girlfriend and Donghyuk's heart hurt a little.





	1. let me forget

**Author's Note:**

> The last fanfic I wrote about Mark and Haechan seemed a little incomplete so I felt a bit regretful about it. Hence, I thought of making a whole new fanfic surrounding friendship, love and heartbreaks.

Haechan, didn’t quite understand how the world revolved. He thought if he had just confessed what he felt, he wouldn’t have been betrayed like that. _Perhaps_. However, when he found out someone had proposed to Mark, he regretted every moment he contemplated on. He wasted his time relentlessly thinking if it was alright coming out of the closet and just to simply utter, ‘I like you.’

 

Mark wasn’t there when he woke up, his flat totally empty. He poured himself a glass of milk and stared out of the window for a couple of minutes before settling for the conclusion that, he and Mark were never going to be the same. Or so he thought.

 

Juggling his class and social life were quite a hustle. He ran to his classes from floors to floor but never forgot to book themselves a table at the cafeteria. It was mostly Mark’s and Haechan’s duty to do so, since his other friends were juniors, hence located at the other side of the building.

 

That day, it was Mark’s duty so Haechan took his time gradually finishing his classes and walked slowly until he reached the cafeteria. But when he entered the musky smelling tiled room, he found the table at the corner, was already owned by Mark and his new girlfriend.Crest fallen, he tottered back step by step until he took a sprint at the other side of the building because he couldn’t have an appetite while his friend aka. crush was there eating with his girlfriend.

 

So when, Jaemin and Jeno finally finished their classes and exited hand in hand, Haechan more or so felt like vomiting. They were so mushy and lovey-dovey with each other that Haechan didn’t have a choice but stand idle. They looked at Haechan as if standing beside their classroom’s corridor was a big crime or he just peed his pants in public.

 

Well, that was Jeno said anyway when he inched forward to a crimson faced Haechan, standing still in a stance.

 

“Did you pee your pants?”

 

“Do I look it?” Haechan retorted. They were a total mood-spoiler and Haechan was considering the reason why he had friends like that in the first place. He looked at the crowd of students concentrating eventually on the corridors so he pulled the couple towards him.

 

“Haechan, did you seriously pee your pants? Tell us, we are not going to judge.” It was turn for Jaemin to ask, and Haechan annoyingly twisted his sides for which the latter winced in pain.

 

“No, I did not pee my pants. Yes, we just lost our seats to our pretty boyfriend, Mark.”

 

“Oh.” Jaemin and Jeno said in unison and looked in silence at each other. They were trading glances and Haechan knew what they were going to do afterwards. Laugh. They both cackled afterwards clutching their stomach. The whole ordeal was so stupid that the bystanders gave them weird glances and Haechan only returned them a bitter smile.

 

“Yes, they ate too much sugar for breakfast. Please understand.” Haechan announced and bowed to some of the teachers. He held both of the laughing animals by their arms and pulled them towards the courtyard. Jaemin and Jeno still didn’t stop laughing until they found themselves sipping a bottle of strawberry yogurt (which of course was Haechan’s treat) staring at nothing but an empty field. The sun was bitterly scorching, so the shadow from the wallow tree did help them avoid most of the heat.

 

“So are you jealous?” Jaemin asked sometime later, when he disregarded his empty plastic bottle elsewhere. Jeno only took a few sips of his and passed it to Jaemin, who scrunched his face in disgust.

 

“No.” Haechan simply answered as he took the yogurt from Jaemin’s hands. If he was not going to drink, he can devour it himself. He was not going to let his money go to waste. Jaemin snatched it back and sipped it himself.

 

“Well…it looks like you are. You are avoiding Mark at all opportunity you find, really. Last day-” Jeno furrowed his brows as Haechan took the cue to defend himself. He wasn’t really getting ahead of himself, he wasn’t.

 

“Last day-” Haechan tried to excuse himself but Jaemin squeezed his shoulder before he could, “Let Jeno speak, you coward.”

 

“Last day,” Jeno sighed, “you passed me your half drunk soda on my hands because Mark called to us. You ran off with an excuse that a teacher called you. Shit, learn to make excuses.”

 

Haechan admitted he was not at all subtle with his attempts on proceeding with his mission, ‘Ignore Mark Operation’. It started on the day, when Mark accepted the girl’s proposal on a heartbeat and came to their shared flat to brag about her. Haechan didn’t mind the girl but how his heart hurt during their whole conversation. That night, Haechan regretted what he did. He threw his whole bowl of mac and cheese on the floor and ran off to his room, without any intention of coming back outside. He knew Mark was standing right outside his door-

 

“I should learn to make some excuses, right.” Haechan stood off from the green patch of wet grass and dusted off the remaining dirt from the back of his pants. “Guys, I take my leave now. I have class.” he muttered sadly and walked away, shoulders a little slumped than before.

 

“He is really sentimental about this, huh?” Jaemin asked and forgot about the strawberry yogurt that he kept beside him. Jeno traced Haechan’s figure until he was out of his sight. The latter nodded and stood up as he handed his right hand for the other to do the same.

 

“Mark is really clueless about Haechan’s depressive ass, right?”

 

Jaemin agreed as his fingers crawled to the other, interlocking it. Jeno tightened his grasp and smiled a little.

 

“Haechan doesn’t really know how to make excuses. The classes didn’t even start.” On that note, bells chimed as the sound resonated through out the whole school. Jeno and Jaemin stared at the azure hued sky before looking at each other. “Let’s go.” they said in unison as they scurried away through the corridors.

 

 Haechan might have teared up a little when he passed the cafeteria without another look.

Mark perhaps clasped the girl’s hand in his, but his eyes trailed the figure of a familiar person while an unsettling feeling bubbled in his chest.


	2. let me hide

Mark returned a little late that day, the front door beeping close. Haechan was wide awake in his room, his ears catching every movement of the latter on the other side. Unconsciously, Haechan removed his warm blankets aside, legs meeting the cold wooden floor with an intention to warm up the food for Mark. However, it soon hit him.

 

__He can do it by himself._ _

__

So he retreated back to his bed, pretending to sleep under the sound of the oven alarming that the food was ready. After an hour or so, Haechan couldn’t catch his sleep, his eyes wide open wandering around his room, thinking about nothing in particular. He jolted a little when there a slight knock on his door.

 

There were two to be exact.

 

“Haechan, I don’t know what is bothering you or why you are acting this way. But if it is something you can tell me…I am here to listen.”

 

Haechan heard Mark walk away, the door to his own room thumping close. That night he couldn’t sleep very well so he woke up a little earlier than usual and prepared a little breakfast. Out of habit, he made two fried eggs and poured two glasses of milk before realizing he shouldn’t have done so. He sighed and arranged two plates anyway before walking towards Mark’s door to knock.

 

It was a rule for them, to knock on the door to wake the other up if either of them was up early. Last day, Mark didn’t but Haechan brushed it off as a gesture of forgetfulness. After all, they were flat mates and if anything, they lived together. Thus, following the rules were a must.

 

However, as Haechan knuckles rose to meet the door and it stopped itself mid-air. His hands were slapped by his side as he clutched his shorts a little tighter. He considered eating breakfast quick and heading to school right away so he wouldn’t have to confront Mark anyway.

 

He devoured the fried eggs and gulped the milk in one shot as he played that night’s events again.

 

__He knew Mark was just standing outside his door, twisting the knob and hollering. Mark asked if he said something wrong or if he did something that upset the latter. Haechan didn’t say anything but buried his face on the blankets and sobbed himself to sleep. The next morning-_ _

__

“Haechan…”Mark trailed off as he saw Haechan silently eating his breakfast. Haechan looked at him as if he had seen a ghost but diverted his eyes quick on where his bag was kept. Mark, with his bed-hair sticking against gravity, glasses hung on his nose bridge, was a probable image that Haechan saw every morning. But that morning, it seemed a little odd; odd enough to unleash the butterflies in Haechan’s ribcage.

 

Haechan stood abruptly from his initial position and passed by Mark, who was still in a stance. A passing breeze, Haechan was that Mark couldn’t even register that he had stopped Haechan half-way by grabbing his wrist. When Mark realized, he let go of the latter’s hand in an instant.

 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” The silence was too painful for Haechan to continue. Mark muttered into the air, knowing that he wasn’t going to get a proper answer from Haechan.

 

“I didn’t want to.”

 

Mark was quite surprised because that was the first set of words that eh heard form Haechan in a while. It felt too lonely, his words that was, the syllables seemed to hang in the air even after the door was shut behind him.

 

He smiled when he saw the awfully ugly fried eggs that was served. Perhaps, Haechan would be alright if he put a little more effort. Haechan always did, no matter how stubborn he was.

 

Or so he thought.

 

Haechan took the bus rather than walking all the way and afford seeing Mark or his girlfriend in any way. He didn’t exactly know why he was doing that, ignoring Mark. It was not at all Mark’s fault, but his only in the end. He didn’t confess and to of that he had been ignoring every possible interaction with the latter because he was being a coward. He felt Mark’s finger print still ghosting on his wrist and guiltiness constricting his throat.

 

He should be alright soon.

 

“Guys, this is Yeri, my girlfriend. Yeri, this is my clique.” Mark introduced his girlfriend that day, inside the crowded cafeteria. Jeno and Jaemin shared a look before diverting their at Haechan, who seemed a little bit off. Haechan didn’t look at the couple at all, as he played with the gravy left in his tray.

“Hi, nice to meet you.” Jaemin smiled, breaking the awkwardness. Jeno noticed, the longing stare that Mark gave Haechan, expecting any sort of reaction. In other words, begging internally for his friend to be alright and to look at him like he always did.

 

Once they took their seat, Mark sitting beside Haechan and Yeri sandwiched between Jaemin and Jeno, Haechan stood up.

 

“I kind of have to catch up with some one. It was nice meeting you Yeri, but let’s schedule our introduction later.” Haechan didn’t smile when he uttered that and left the group in an awfully bizarre silence. Jaemin and Jeno tried to initiate a lively conversation with the said girlfriend, talking about anything and everything.

 

Mark joined them in laughter and jokes, but it wasn’t from his heart at all. He watched Haechan walk away with heavy steps, exiting the cafeteria only to return with someone from his English class. _ _He did have something to catch up__ , Mark thought. But inside he knew, that wasn’t the case at all.

 

The clique, absent of Haechan, escorted Yeri up to her class and took a few minutes to sort their thoughts.

 

“What’s up with Haechan? He’s been ignoring me for a while now. If I ask him something, I get the door shut on my face and simply stood up. Are you guys aware?”

 

Mark buried his hands inside his pockets and scrunched his face as his eyes met the burning sun.

 

“He’s just being down. Probably he has something up his head, that he can’t tell anyone.” Jaemin said as he patted his shoulder. “Just make up to him with some cake and he will be all over you.”

 

“I guess.” Mark shrugged.

 

“Do you even know what cake he likes?” Jeno asked which let Mark into a state of ponder. It would be primitive of him to not know. Of course, being Mark, after years of knowing him, he simply didn’t know.

 

“You were stuck since diaper stage. How come you don’t?”

 

Later that day, Mark bought the one he thought Haechan liked. Once he reached their flat, he quickly kept the cake in front of Haechan’s closed door, feeling giddy inside that they could make up. But the next morning, when Mark woke up in a trance and checked Haechan's door the first thing in the day. However, his shoulders heaved as he found out the cake was still in the place it was kept last night.

 

Untouched and ungrateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really roughly written...but i'll edit afterwards.


	3. calling out to you

Chapter 3 (a call out to you)

 

During the bus ride to the school, Haechan left hand wouldn’t stop caressing the finger prints that were left of his other wrist. It seemed the memories of the earlier morning kept flooding back, even though he resisted it so much. The reminiscences seemed better to left in the dark, locked because he couldn’t bear the how his face morphed when he looked at him. Haechan, carried his heavy limbs towards his English class, weaving through the crowds and perhaps he looked for that familiar face to appear among them.

 

When he got to his class, the teacher was already there and was earlier than usual. He found out she was grouping people for a new presentation for plethora of literature books. He was set up with a new student of their class, a little younger Chinese exchange. Haechan didn’t have a good impression of him neither did the latter but they were helpless. The exchange student, otherwise known as Renjun, didn’t mind the project much and told they would meet up for the discussion later. Haechan shrugged and informed him that he would be waiting for him in the library.

 

He poked around the left out boiled potato, the gravy sticking around the plastic tray looking rather off-putting. He didn’t feel hungry that much, so he thought he would be better off not devouring the cafeteria food that day. Jaemin and Jeno, joined him later, overly cheery in between themselves and Haechan pondered about those days when it was the four of them together.

 

Jaemin crept his hand over Haechan’s stopping him picking his cuticles.

 

“Not eating?” he pointed towards the untouched food in his tray. Haechan shrugged. Jaemin reluctantly let go of his hand, worry evident in the small squeeze of his hands. Haechan mouthed, ‘I’m alright’ at him but Jaemin looked unconvinced.

 

Although, Jaemin and Jeno engaged themselves in a conversation, Jaemin couldn’t help but throw some glances at Haechan who seemed awfully silent. However, Haechan discarded the sentiments surrounding Mark soon, trailing it towards his English project. It might seem insignificant, but it held the marks for his year-end reports so he had to do better for himself and the other too. When Haechan craned his neck looking for his partner, he seemed present nowhere. The cafeteria seemed packed as always with the smell of chicken gravy wafting under his nose. His eyes wandered a bit more, perhaps he missed Renjun among the crowd of student but his eyes met someone’s he didn’t mean it for.

 

Mark, with his girlfriend just standing beside, fingers interlocked and smiled plastered on their faces.

 

They both walked over to their table, laughing about something Haechan couldn’t figure out of course. As Mark came down from his laughing fit, he gestured his girlfriend to come closer. Haechan only stared at the couple with a burning itch in his heart, helplessly watching their interactions.

 

“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Yeri. Yeri, this is my clique.” Mark gesticulated, trading his hand from the table to his girlfriend and viceversa. Jaemin threw a quick look at Haechan, but the latter only ignored his eyes settling elsewhere.

Jaemin broke the quivering silence with a smile and welcomed Yeri to sit between him and Jeno. Jeno noticed how Mark’s sight lingered on Haechan, but then he diverted it at Yeri, smiling rather tightly.

 

Haechan noticed Renjun a few seconds later. The shorter, drooped shouldered boy was hanging out outside the cafeteria with some other of his friends before bidding them goodbye. They both noticed each other, which soon made Renjun scoff a bit. He was about to enter the cafeteria, when Haechan stood up from his seat and initiated coming to him instead, with a nod.

 

“I kind of have to catch up with some one. It was nice meeting you Yeri, but let’s schedule our introduction later.” He sighed in relief that he had to miss the ice-breaking period because honestly Haechan didn’t know how much time he could survive there.

 

He rushed up to the shorter, patting him on his back before he turned about and smirked.

 

“Look, who we have here.” Renjun trailed off, his eyes settling on anything except Haechan.

 

“You are awfully late, mister.” Haechan noted and stood in front, towering over Renjun. The other seemed not at all faltered by the Haechan’s intimidating shadow.

 

“Oh I kind of forgot.” The other shrugged nonchalantly before patting Haechan’s cheeks. Haechan rolled his eyes, already fed up with his damn-care attitude.

 

“Well, genius, we have a week. Unless you come up with a superb idea of completing withing a few days, we have to work. You and I.” Haechan growled and successfully Renjun’s stance wavered a bit.

 

“You don’t live in dorm right? Come at my flat at 10 and we have to see what we can do.”

 

“Seems plausible. So meet you at 10.”

 

“10 it is.”

 

Haechan waved at Renjun, who obviously ignored his well-manner and walked right up the stairs. Haechan sighed and was about to go to his class, but something interrupted his way. The scene of Mark hugging his girlfriend seemed odd and a little painful to be honest. It was a s if Mark was doing it deliberately just to tick Haechan off. Haechan didn’t mind them and scurried off to his class before the bell rung. But Mark’s sight traced along the latter’s back helplessly.

 

Haechan arrived their shared flat earlier than he usually. He deemed Mark to be at school still so he took his bag and some books and left for the day. He figured there was no way he would be coming home that night since he knew the project would take long and on top of that that he was going pretty late. So he scribbled some information on a sticky note and stuck on the fridge before he left.

 

__“I’m not coming home to night. Dinner is frozen pizza from my last delivery.”_ _

__

“Hey…” Renjun greeted as he opened the door to a disheveled Haechan, panting.

 

“Why does your apartment not have have elevators? God damn…” Haechan pushed by him and entered. He plopped himself on the first couch he saw in his sight, and rested his body against the pillows. He sighed in relief and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

 

“Something got your tail?” Renjun asked while he closed the door.

 

“Not that…” Haechan trailed off and after a breath or two he continued,” I was looking for the past editions of the book and had to scavenge very corner of the library for that.”

 

“Must be hard.”

 

Haechan rolled his eyes.

 

“Tell me about it.”

 

They both settled for some take-outs and coke from a restaurant that ran down the alley. Haechan commented on the delicious dinner and ended up taking some servings off Renjun’s. Renjun didn’t mind and only fed him with some more. Along the dinner, Haechan found himself comfortable under Renjun, since they discovered so many similar traits and liking they never thought they would. It was as if Haechan forgot his problems for a while and was lost in a whole new different setting.

 

After some pester from Renjun, Haechan finally agreed to stop rambling about Suits and continue their project. Since their mind worked in a similar way, neither of them were engaged in a petty dispute. It was going well than he they had thought.

 

“You’ve got more stuff in your small head than I initially thought.”

 

“Thank for the compliment, wide-shoulder.” Haechan patted his shoulder before cackling.

 

As the clock stroke 2, Haechan found himself drifting off to dreamland and sleeping on the couch. Renjun came with a blanket and tucked him in, after which he completed his own sharing of work accompanied by the eerie silence of the night and Haechan's cute sleepy whimpers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will update another a little later


	4. nobody knows me like you do

Chapter 4 (nobody knows me like you do)

 

“That was kind of primitive.” Jaemin sighed. “You didn’t even touch the cake.”

 

Earlier, when Haechan had entered the school grounds with tired limbs after climbing down Renjun’s 10 storey building, Jaemin surprisingly pulled him by his wrist against him. He toppled over, finding himself crushed by the weight of Jaemin all over him. “How much stress-eating did you do?” Haechan winced as Jaemin carefully removed himself over him and pulled him up.

 

Fast forward five minutes, and they were shoved by the shoulders of rushing students. Jaemin held the corner of Haechan’s shirt tightly as he rambled off about the call he got form Mark that morning.

 

“He finally realized what cake you liked, lover boy. But you really did was smash that on his face.”

 

“What cake?” he groaned. He was frustrated as Jaemin only rolled the words ‘cake’ and ‘Mark’ from his tongue but never got straight to the point. His head was throbbing from the last minute cramming he had to do the earlier while he devoured breakfast at Renjun’s. Renjun was kind enough to help him on sorts he knew hence finishing quite the amount.

 

“The cake that Mark got for you for the purpose of burying the hatchet.”

 

When he heard those words, his heart thumped inside his rib-cage. It was a feeling of relief that perhaps Mark didn’t leave him alone. A feeling that perhaps he should have acted better, a little more rational.

 

“Mark did?” His voice was lowered to a small whimper, layered on with echoes of gossips, laughter and Haechan’s own heartbeat. “The last I remember was waking up at Renjun’s.”

 

Jaemin’s grip tightened on Haechan’s shirt, his eyes burning holes in Haechan’s clueless visage.

 

“I thought you liked Mark.” It was a small mutter, against Haechan's earlobe. Haechan only rolled his eyes and heaved his shoulders.

 

“I like him. A lot.” Jaemin beamed,releasing his hold on Haechan’s loose shirt. Haechan's trailed at Jaemin loose fingers and pursed his lips into a tight line.” I was just staying the night at Renjun’s since we had a project to work on.”

 

“Nice save.” Jaemin commented as he patted Haechan’s shoulder, brushing of some stray treads that seemed to find a new habitat. He muttered while flicking off the threads, “You should tell him that. He’s been going all brain boozle on it.”

 

“I could.” Haechan shrugged.” Actually, I would.”

 

Jaemin beamed, excusing himself for class. Haechan stared at his disappearing back, until his face shaped itself to a frown. He noticed how Jaemin had been quite on edge, the slight tense fingers that quite held his sweater for a sense of ‘holding on’. He wondered if something happened between him and his said paramour, Jeno, since they had been quite distant those earlier weeks. Haechan had been preoccupied with himself and his selfish thoughts, that he never noticed how their bonds had been slowly falling apart.

 

Haechan brushed off the heavy feeling that nestled itself on his chest, walking over to his class with heavy steps and a tear or two.

 

Haechan finished classes earlier that day, since he had a few to attend. He called Renjun and scheduled their meeting to another since he had been feeling tired. Renjun of course didn’t mind and suggested if he should complete Haechan’s part too. Haechan waved off the offer and hung up the call as he reached his flat.

It seemed like days he had not returned even though he was only gone for a night. The wee hours of the dawn seemed so lonely at Renjun’s that he couldn't wait to throw of his shoes at his own crimson porch. When he typed in the password for the door lock, and flicked the door open, he didn’t expect the sight he would find. Mark, was there in his casual blue hoodie, hunched over a carrot cake, just about to cut it through. His hand stopped midair, as he stared at Haechan up and down before sighing in disappointment.

 

“Hi.” Mark heaved.

 

“Hello.” Haechan replied. But the greeting seemed so distant yet close enough to touch. Haechan wanted to embrace him and say the things that stuck on the tip of hsi tongue. But he couldn’t. So he walked over and stood beside Mark, eyeing the cake.

 

“Can I cut it?”

 

“Sure.” Mark handed over his blunt knife before opening the cupboard to get some plates. Haechan cut the cake into two pieces, only nibble-sized and another a chunk. When Mark saw the dumbfounded face of Haechan and utterly ugly pieces he had cut, he cackled.

 

“And you say I’m stupid enough not to cut one.” he snorted.

 

“Well, you are. This is the one time thing I did,okay.” Haechan stomped off and grabbed a plate from the latter’s hands and took the chunk one. “First come, first serve.”

 

“I am sure you do not use those words in that context.” Mark settled for the nibble-sized one as he smiled looking at the destroyed cake.

 

“Yesterday,” Haechan took some some of the cream cheese and spread it over the sponge part, “I was staying at Renjun’s. I wrote it over at the fridge.”

 

“Yeah, I saw it just moments ago. Plus, frozen pizza is not a dinner.”

 

“What did you eat yesterday, then?” Haechan asked as he savored the hint of the tangy flavour of carrot cake. Mark still didn’t eat, as Haechan had noticed.

 

“Frozen pizza.” Mark stated plainly. They both laughed afterwards before dissolving into a comfortable silence. The ones they used to have.

 

“I want to-” __say something.__  However, Haechan was interrupted by the ring on Mark’s phone.

 

“Yes, sure I can come over.” Mark smiled as he placed the spoon back to its original place as his cake was left untouched. Haechan reverted his eyes back to mark, who had a guilty expression painted on his face. Haechan mouthed, ‘go’, even though every fiber of his body resisted him to do so.

 

Haechan was once again left in his own bubble of despair as he soon threw is plate of cake into the trash bin. He was frustrated as his emotions were frantic. He didn’t know what to feel and what to say.

 

He picked up his phone and called the first person he saw on his log.

 “Hey, Renjun. Can I come over?”

 “I thought you were feeling tired.”

 “I’m fine.”

 “You sure do not sound like you are.”

“I want to complete the essay so…”

 “Come over. Oh! I am having the sudden crave for cakes so could you buy some on the way.”

 “Sure. Carrot?”

 

“Hmm. I love that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lost all of my files for the story so if i am late, i ask for your patience/


	5. shall i run back to you?

The night was chilling, the goosebumps rising on his arms and his teeth clattering Mark walked through the crowd of pushing pedestrians, the resonating lyrics of Christmas carols and snow crunching under his soles. Mark, although hurried on his heels but the suppressed guiltiness wouldn’t disappear. The look on the tanned boy’s visage, the expression of helplessness painted on his quivering slight parted lips and his iris darkened, was etched on Mark’s mind.

 

However, the call made by his said girlfriend seemed a waste of time, honestly. He wanted to go back, to make sure he won’t lose the hand of him. It was feeling of earning, a pull of heartstrings that made Mark contemplate of what he had decided. When he boarded the bus, uneasiness expressed by his tensed fingertips. The fog of cold air that left his open mouth, and the warmth of his jacket along with the suffocating insides of the bus initiate a tired sigh.

 

Without another thought, he rummaged his pocket for his phone. He made a call to his recent, closing his eyes in impatience. How would he explain to her that he wanted to be present for the person he left?

 

He was afraid of losing the person he probably cared for the most and hence the nerve-wracking call.

 

“Yeri, yes, I was thinking if we could study in the library some other time?”

 

“A rendezvous to take care of?” she questioned, however her tone was careless and bored.

 

“No, I left Haechan at home. I finally buried the hatchet so I wanted to spend some time with him.” Mark seemed to answer in the most calm voice he could register. It probably failed, but he didn’t know.

 

“Oh.” a moment of silence.” Sure, you could spend some quality time there. I can just return home, can’t I?”

 

“Thank you.” Mark heaved. Mark took off the next bus stop, with giddiness riding up his folded jeans, and smiles curving his lips. He ran, pushing through uninterested and irked civilian. He didn’t care, because he was going back. To his friend, whom he left behind.

 

A friend for whom his heart beat aloud, cheeks turned crimson and ears turned hot. A friend he was, he believed.

 

He hoped he was there, devouring his carrot cake and commented in glee of how delicious it was. Mark would smile and reach over to his to rub off he small dash of cream cheese. He didn’t forget what kind of cake he liked because it just simply rolled of his tongue, simply like that.

 

He opened the door to the flat, beaming but however it tightened into a frown to see the apartment empty of souls. His shoulder slumped as he entered the silent apartment, filled of shadows and hopeless exhales. He wanted to trust and brush of the negative intuition he had so he ran to Haechan's room.

 

He closed the door behind him and took a seat on their couch. The couch where they had shared memories, first introduction and dinner together. It wasn’t easy to forget, to let it just dissipate into the air. He couldn’t figure why Haechan started acting the way he did, ignorant and always on edge. Yet, he couldn’t understand why he also felt the same, a little sad and absent of simple joy. Whenever Yeri asked if he was feeling blue, Mark always brushed it off and left in the middle of their conversation with an excuse.

 

He waited for Haechan to leave his class so that he could talk to him but his legs would not move and lips stuck together. A little weariness weighted his chest, that perhaps they would never get the same they did before.

 

Everything fell apart between them without their consent.

 

He called Jaemin, to know the whereabouts of Haechan. But he didn’t receive his call and neither did Jeno. Mark had noticed how his other friends who were inseparable stayed untouched and unattached. He didn’t even know if they were together anymore.

 

He didn’t know anything. It might be all his fault from the beginning. His heart ached and he didn’t know how to stop it.

 

Mark sighed and lied on the couch, to wait for his intransigence to disappear and his friend to return. To offer him the hug he needed, to receive the care he didn’t deserve.

 

He simply didn’t know what that feeling was called. But all he wanted was Haechan to return.

 

But he didn’t and Mark was left alone to witness the sun rise over the high rose skyscrapers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter was super short, i know. but my data was lots so...yes. and this is a chapter from mark's pov!


	6. broken heart issues

Renjun didn’t quite expect what to find on the other side of the door when the door bell rung. He left his magazine on the coffee table and rushed to witness the person who arrived. Haechan, stood there with a grimace resting on his lips, his eyes wearing a facade of excitement. Although, he looked flushed and painful at the way he stared so helplessly at Renjun, that his heart broke. Haechan slightly shook the plastic bag carrying a box, and grinned tightly.

 

“Carrot, it is.” he said. Renjun jolted from his stance before letting him in.

 

“Come inside.” Renjun opened the heavy door a little wider for the rough emotional boy to enter. He looked frantic sort of, eyes wandering everywhere and his hair tousled messily.

 

“I was wondering when you say that. I almost thought I had no where to go.” Haechan sighed as he set the plastic bag on the counter before taking a seat on a side. Renjun sat opposite of him, providing plates and spoons. Haechan wanted to cut the cake but Renjun said he rather do it himself.

 

“You don’t look like a person who knows how to cut a cake.” he said sternly before cutting the small orange cake into 2 pieces.

 

“Oh, you know so well.” Haechan sarcastically commented before laughing it off. Renjun didn’t laugh like he used to before he knew the latter was pretending to be fine when he clearly wasn’t. Renjun carefully held his hand out and rested it on top of Haechan’s palm.

 

“You have something in your head, don’t you?”

 

Haechan’s smile wavered a bit and Renjun perhaps had slightly affected his pretense that Haechan tried to hold so well.

 

“If you won’t tell me, just answer the questions I ask. A yes or no is fine.” Haechan surprisingly nodded and Renjun left the cold palm of the latter.

 

“So, I am not going to beat around the bush. Do you like someone?” Haechan shrugged and instead poked around his cake, ignoring eye contact. He was hesitating, as Renjun could deduce.

 

“I said, a yes or no will suffice. I didn’t ask for a name, did I?”

 

Haechan then rolled his eyes, resting the spoon on the plate.

 

“Yes, I do. So what about it?”

 

“And you are yet to say that to him, I suppose?”

 

“Yes.” Renjun took a bite of the cake and weirdly Haechan sighed in relief. Renjun looked at him with narrowed eyes but Haechan ignored him.

 

“So, you are kind of frustrated on whether to tell or keep it inside and protect your already breaking friendship?”

 

“How do you know it is a friend?”

 

“It always is.” Renjun smiled, crumbles of cake stuck to his chapped lips. Haechan’s finger itched to remove it at once, but he couldn’t.

 

“Is it Mark…” Haechan heart thumped once again and his hand reached to clutch his sweatshirt. It pained, really. “You are hopelessly in love with?”

 

“Yes. I am.” It was a small mumble but Renjun was satisfied that at least he had confessed. All it would take some convincing to let him confess to the person who deserved it. He kind of wished it was him all along, but he couldn’t let Haechan go astray than he already was.

 

“See, Haechan,” Renjun sighed out mere worry, “I liked someone before but I couldn't tell him that, I was being a coward.So he was already with someone else when I finally mustered the courage. The only choice I was left with was giving up.”

 

Haechan was in a state of frenzy by then. He thought of the moments he shared with Mark when they were still friends and there were so useless feelings involves. The nights at the couch, movie nights and eating cakes like that. It mattered to them so much more.

 

“Giving up is not the best choice you could live with, you know. I am not a person to give meaningless advises, but tell him before it is too late.”

 

Haechan nodded although heartlessly. He was left with a deep trance of thinking it all over. He didn’t know what to do, if he could live with giving up to save the friendship he had. To had travel back in time, reminiscing the sentiments and memories they shared. Whether it was alright to give up.

 

Renjun tucked Haechan in his bed that night, preferring to sleep on the couch instead. He raked his finger through the tanned boy’s auburn locks and the latter closed his eyes. He greeted him good night and told him not to worry about choices that much.

 

“It will come to you eventually.” Renjun muttered as he shut the door behind him in remorse. Renjun walked by the couch and picked a crumbled paper beside the coffee table and straightened it to open.

 

The chit read, __“Mark Lee?”__  before it was scribbled over again and again.

 

Renjun crumbled it again and threw it on the trash bin beside. The night was filled with sighs and Renjun found out he might had not give up at all.

 

Haechan didn’t sleep well at night, soaking his pillow with his tears. The morning might have arrived earlier than earlier and he forgot his blankets and stood beside the windows to watch the sun rise and enlighten the city below.

 

He left without a word, as when Renjun woke up, he found his bed cleanly made and the person gone. A sticky note was pasted against his bed-side table, reading,

 

“I believe this is the last time.” Renjun dreaded what decision Haechan made even though it didn’t include the likes of him.

 

Haechan went straight to school after that as he didn’t want to prolong his meeting. The earlier , the best. Yes, he got a text from Yeri that morning, saying that she wanted to meet him. He saw Yei sitting on the ledge of the balcony of their floor. She smiled, although tightly when she caught the sight of Haechan.

 

“I wanted to catch up on our conversation from the last time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to clear thing up, renjun does not like haechan neither does the latter. renjun is talking about somebody else when he says he likes someone. it will be included in a probable sequel!


	7. knowing that you love me

Haechan didn’t know why his heart wrenched, when he saw the drooped shoulders of Yeri walking away. It was as if something was pulling her from a dark abyss yet Haechan didn’t know what. But, like a broken radio, Renjun’s words played in his head. Haechan realized she chose the hard way down, the way to give up which were evident by her tear brimmed eyes and quivering stance.

 

Earlier, when they were sitting side by side, inhaling the winter air, Haechan knew she wasn’t meeting him over some mere ice-breaking period. It was something more and probably he had a hand in it. Haechan felt the empty look that Yeri had in her eyes as she stared at her dried up cuticles.

 

“Do you like Mark?” she asked silently, taking deep breaths.

 

“I don’t know…” Haechan replied, without thinking it over. He didn’t want to hurt more people than he did.

 

“Just tell me honestly…because…” she sobbed, gripping padded jacket tighter. Haechan reverted his eyes back to his own palm with drop of tears painting it.

 

“Yes, actually I do.” Haechan said a while later. Yeri didn’t share a glance and rose up form the cold ledge. She only muttered under her breath,

 

“Make sure to tell him that.”

 

Haechan counted the times, people told to ‘make sure to tell him that’ but he he never did. He always kept it inside, until it was eating him alive and raw. He thought it would be fine to miss classes for one day and call it in sick. He walked away and someone’s eyes followed his trail.

 

Mark was just standing behind with a phone plastered against his ears.

 

“Can we break up? I am tired. Of you.” Yeri said over the chocking tears of hers and Mark couldn’t muster the courage to say yes. Because if he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself falling for the guy he considered as his friend. He might already have.

 

When Mark arrived home, he saw Haechan silently sitting over the couch TV, although his mind was elsewhere.

 

“Food is over at the table.” Haechan hollered yet Mark’s heart picked up its pace. He felt rage taking him in, eyebrows knitted close as he walked over to the table. With a push of his arms, he slid all the food contents off the table. Plates shattered but the sound of his heart breaking was more loud.

“The hell?” Haechan growled as he ran over to pick the broken ceramic pieces of the floor.

 

“Stop being so shitty, Haechan. I’m exhausted.”

 

Mark stomped over to the exit and closed it behind him. Mark didn’t know why he did what he did, it seemed to blurt out, due to the frustration he had been holding within. He called Yeri up, after so many failed and missed calls. Yeri answered finally and told him to talk over ta the phone because she couldn’t bear to see his face.

 

“Why did you call it off? Did I do something wrong?”

“Because Mark, you are not in love with me.”

“No, that’s-”

“Stop convincing yourself that you are not in love with your bestfriend.”

“I don’t.”

“You clearly do and he does too. You are turning out to be a bad person when you are clearly not. You are unintentionally hurting me, your friend and yourself.”

 

 

“Run to him before he chooses the wrong way down.”

 

Mark did run, but not towards his flat but to Jeno. Jeno’s apartment surprisingly didn’t have any lift, so he walked over to his apartment with tired limbs and frozen fingers. Jeno welcomed him in, but he too wasn’t in a well-condition himself. Mark didn’t prod much further and thought he should deal with his own problems for then. He knew deep inside he liked the tanned boy as those glances, those heartbeats and the feeling that settled in his meant so much more. But why couldn’t he accept that mere fact, he himself didn’t have the knowledge.

 

After one sleepless night, he woke up in the morning with exasperated sighs and fuzzy mind. Over the breakfast, he asked Jeno what he felt towards Jaemin,

 

“The feeling that you can’t give him up. That is what I feel towards Jaemin.”

 

Perhaps that was what he felt when he was left alone in the dark, hoping for Haechan to return and take him back.

.

Jeno later informed with a squeeze on his shoulder that Haechan had a project presentation that day and that he should attend.

 

“I was going to go, but I have some work to complete. Jaemin is going to be there so you can find some company. Haechan was going to ask you but he didn’t because he thought it would be awkward.”

 

Mark only nodded as he sipped his warm beige drink. Jeno disappeared behind the kitchen counter and washed the kitchen utensils at once. Mark might or might not have heard Jeno cry.

 


	8. go ahead and cry a little

Haechan had been cramming all last night that he forgot to rest his already drooping eyelids. He deemed that he should get a nap before classes start, to feel a little better during the presentation. But due to the nervousness that laid on his chest, he couldn’t even close his eyes even though sleepiness could engulf him whole. He disregarded the thought of sleeping anytime soon, and considered drinking a few cups of coffee to calm his nerves.

 

Renjun didn’t call after that night and sent texts just to acknowledge the progression. That morning too, he sent a greeting and Haechan smiled while he typed his reply back. He took his decision while he re-winded his thoughts for a while and it all seemed so far away. The one that is worth it, the one that could spare the two of them. The empty apartment was a familiar sight for Haechan to experience those days but he didn’t mind because it won’t be the case anymore.

 

At school, Mark came to school adorning a leather jacket complementing his red tee inside. A flower bouquet rested on the arch of his left arm. He smiled embarrassingly as he noticed Jaemin waving at him from the auditorium. Jaemin took a seat at 5 rows from the front, so Mark swiftly walked there.

 

“I saved you a seat.” Mark sat beside him, resting the flower bouquet on his lap. Jaemin stared at the bundle of lavender before reverting it back to Mark’s strained visage. He smiled, although sadly and patted his thigh.

 

“Flowers and all, huh? He’s going to love it.” Jaemin said, trying to sound excited however the quivering in his tone made Mark doubt otherwise. Mark squeezed Jaemin’s hand and tried to ask,

 

“Is something going on with you and Jeno?”

 

But Jaemin successfully averted the question by pointing at Haechan who was at the stage right then. Mark made eye contact with the latter, who looked a little surprised as his shoulders were tensed. Mark beamed a little but Haechan diverted his eyes away. Jaemin chuckled a bit and brushed mark’s leather jacket,

 

“Guess you are late, lover boy.”

 

Mark sighed and gripped the flower bouquets a little tighter. He narrowed his eyes at the person beside Haechan, posture ever so correct with a mop of brunette locks contrasting his fair skin. He deemed the person as Renjun, the place that Haechan stormed off to. Mark, had a profound feeling of burn in his chest.

 

Renjun and Haechan completed their presentation well in front of crowded student body and Mark. Mark cheered for them as they finished with no mistakes at all and was smoothly progressive. Mark didn’t find it in to leave, and stayed until the winners were announced. He perhaps noticed Jaemin scanning his phone screen, with knitted brows but he thought he should leave all those matters for some time later.

 

As expected, Haechan and Renjun won the competition. They were given a chance to express their thoughts while they did the project and what they had learned through those times. Renjun passed the mic to Haechan, who pressed his lips on the metal head.

 

“All I want to say is that, I found out there is two choices to things you do. One is the great one and other is the negative one. Some people choose the other way down, since they think it is the best they can do. However, I think if ou do just try a little, everything will fall into place by themselves. SO, I take my chance to say that…”

 

Mark felt his heart take up a pace and as he his fingers clasped and unclasped. Haechan stared straight at him, with tears brimming his eye rims.

 

“I kind of like you.”

 

There were cheers beside him and Jaemin wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulder and shook him from side to side. Haechan opted for the after lending his mic back to Renjun’s who had a grin plastered in his face. Jaemin pushed him towards the exit and encouraged him to go after with a nod.

 

When mark was gone and the auditorium was cleaned of souls, Jaemin silently sat on his chair and he refreshed his message box. His phone ringed and his fingers trembled a bit before tapping on  name he knew so well.

 

“I want to break up.”

\-------

 

Mark didn’t quite follow Haechan, with the bouquet flailing in him arms as he rushed. But rather, he found himself entering a bakery, the smell of freshly baked bread wafting under his nose. He sniffed the smell, his eyes following the plethora of bread that lied in front of him. Although, the brown deliciousness seduced him toward it, but he didn’t buy it. He straight went to the cake station and bought a carrot cake with some cookies to complement it.

 

Attaching the flowers against the cake box with the help of some ribbons, he set off towards their apartment, knowing well that Haechan must have been there.

 

At least he hoped that he was.

 

When he reached there, staring emptily towards the closed door, he hit his chest quite a few times. With a sigh, he typed in the password, his heart never stopping. The door opened to reveal, Haechan looking through the window and his back facing Mark.

 

Haechan looked back and his smile faded.

 

“It’s snowing.” he muttered and turned back again. Mark placed the cake on the table and stood beside him. Wrapping his arm around Haechan’s shoulders, he whispered under the wailing cod wind and pure snow,

 

“I kind of…like you too.”

 

Haechan looked at him, his mouth agape and a small tear escaping his eyes. Mark lips reflected a embarrassing smile, his eyes wandering everywhere but on the latter.Haechan beamed and snuggled a little in Mark’s embrace,

 

_“It’s nice. We kind of like each other.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the end. although, i wanted to delve more into mark's feelings about haechan but i found out it would turn more complicated than i first thought it would be. however, i really like how it turned out but i will edit it more precisely later on. i am thinking about a sequel (or there will be a definite sequel) about the breakup between jaemin and jeno. it will be nomin centric with hints of markhyuk's relationship here and there. i don't know when it will be released but i guess around end of december (?) please look forward!
> 
> also this ff will be posted in aff, so those are comfortable with that platform, u can rush there. if u want to hit me up with drabble ideas, dm me in my twt @jaesml. i can just write one for u!


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